It was gradual at first. A little bit of discomfort in my left shoulder, then wham! Mobility was halted and the pain was excruciating! By Sunday morning I just wanted to lay in bed and nurse my screaming back, arm, neck and shoulder. The minutes ticked away as I reasoned why it would be a good day to stay home and skip church. The the gentle nudge from God, “No, just go.” So off I go with three kids in tow. Found my seat, stood to worship and asked God what the message was in my distress. I’d been praying all weekend for relief and I wasn’t getting any. The message came almost instantly:
“You are freely worshipping me with your right side. Your right side is free, but your left side is being weighed down by pain. Many of my people come into this building only partially free. For some, that’s good enough. As long as they are experiencing some freedom they are content enough not to seek wholeness. For others, their partial freedom is being overshadowed by the stuff that is weighing them down. It could be physical pain like yours, or emotional pain, fear or worry. Like your pain crept up on you, theirs is growing in an attempt to keep them from coming to me at all. There are others here who have not yet come to me. They are deceived. They feel like they have enough freedom in their lives and that they really don’t need me yet. Sure, they have some “stuff” going on in their lives, and that may be the very reason they won’t come to me. They feel disqualified. They need to know that I will receive them just as they are, “stuff” and all. If they don’t come to me, their stuff will overtake them and then where will they go for hope and healing? My people need to give me “everything” holding nothing back so they can experience total freedom. The ones who don’t know me yet should come and find that my grace is all sufficient and is big enough to love them just as they are.”
I felt like I should share this, but I was flooded with thoughts that kept me in my seat. Tiana was with me, and stuck to me like glue. I hadn’t taken the “gifts mic” class yet and didn’t know if I would be out of order. I was at the opposite side of the church and would have to walk across the front and may be a distraction to others. How was the “keeper of the gifts mic” going to even hear my description of this message over the music which had gained volume by this time. Ok, one more song and I’ll go. One more song came and then Pastor Brandon came up and started praying….communion…. too late.
I shared this with my mom and she said, “What a shame that you did not feel like you had the freedom to share because I think a lot of people need to hear that.” I shared it on Tuesday morning at the ladies Bible study and all the reasons I did not share it Sunday. The message spoke to them, and they encouraged me to write it out and make it available. So here it is!