What do you do when your heart grieves? How do you comfort that place in your chest that aches as hot tears flood your eyes and trickle down your face turning cold and unrelenting. There are support groups for those that lose loved ones, but what if your heart is grieving losses that you can’t put into words. Satan does come to steal, kill, and destroy and he can take so many things from you over time that they add up to a big box of hurt. You deal with each battle as it comes in waves and struggle for a victory with God. Sometimes you win, sometimes it’s a stale mate, sometimes the battle rages and rages. Every once in a while I find myself overwhelmed with a feeling of grief. Every battle, every lost dream, every hope that has been deferred, everything that is just wrong around me rises up together and reminds me that I am hurting in ways that I cannot fix. I allow myself to feel the unjustness of it all, the disappointments, and the pain. I talk to God through my tears and tell Him how I feel, and I ask Him “why?” …. “what have I done?” …. I apologize for things that I might have forgotten. I am tempted to make deals with God, but I know that is not how He works. I am reminded that its not all about me and that free will is a costly gift. As I look at my own, maybe God is allowing me to feel a small fraction of what He feels when He looks down at all his children. I read a book once called “Jesus Wept.” It talks about Him taking time out to weep for us. Maybe that’s what God is allowing me to do from time to time. It feels like a tidal wave when it comes, but I know God will not let me drown. I cannot stay in this place of disillusion and despair. I have things to do. I can put the lid on my box of pain and hand it back to God for a while hoping the next time I open it, it will be a little lighter. I can trust Him with the details of my box and I can trust Him with my grief. He is my healer and my refuge and I know He is working even when I cannot see it. I choose to trust in Him.