Proverbs 31:11-12 (NIV)
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
Her husband trusts her completely and never regrets it. Why? Because she is never spiteful and treats him generously as her own life. “Love covers a multitude of sins.”
What was God’s intention for woman before the fall?
Genesis 1:26-31 (NIV)
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
Genesis 2:18-24 (NIV)
18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
The element of relationship is in the image of God.
“No one comes to know themselves through introspection, but instead through relationships with others.”
Alone we become set in our ways and cease to grow.
HELPER – is mentioned 21 times in the Old Testament and refers to strength and to God as the helper.
HELPMATE – is mentioned 4 times and refers to a woman, a powerful ally, and to God.
Women bring an incredible power to help their husbands.
Proverbs 31:11 (NIV)
the husband….. “lacks nothing of value.”
Is this referring to material wealth?
Probably not, but instead he has the gift of his “helpmate” meeting his emotional needs. In this he becomes a confident man.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
People behave badly when their emotional needs are not being met.
What Are A Woman’s Needs:
The Proverbs 31 woman has found her needs met in God, her role as a wife, and her role as a mother. But, from our husband we need:
1. Security
2. Love
3. Respect
4. Affection…..but most importantly
5. ATTENTION.
6. She needs quality time with her husband
7. Increased sensitivity to comfort, not lectures
8. For our husband to receive correction without being defensive
9. For our husband to appreciate us
10. For our husband to be a “helpmate” with the children
How do we help our men meet our needs?
James 3:13, 17-18 (NIV)
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
Essential Qualities of Inner Beauty
My personal experience:
This breakout session couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Let’s suffice it to say that I really needed to hear this teaching. I came to this retreat with the goal of hearing SOMETHING from God. God does not disappoint and he began speaking the first night. I landed on a scripture that set the tone for what I was going to receive that weekend.
Jude 1:1-2 (The Message) my bible has the NIV & The Message side by side
“I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!”
There are things in this teaching on how to treat your husband that I feel like I have a good handle on, and there are some things that need work. It’s so easy to focus on someone else’s shortcomings and justify your own complaints. It’s incredibly hard to lay down your own desires for fulfillment and try even harder than you did before to fulfill someone else’s needs. Jesus never said any of this was going to be easy.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
Her husband trusts her completely and never regrets it. Why? Because she is never spiteful and treats him generously as her own life. “Love covers a multitude of sins.”
What was God’s intention for woman before the fall?
Genesis 1:26-31 (NIV)
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
Genesis 2:18-24 (NIV)
18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
The element of relationship is in the image of God.
“No one comes to know themselves through introspection, but instead through relationships with others.”
Alone we become set in our ways and cease to grow.
HELPER – is mentioned 21 times in the Old Testament and refers to strength and to God as the helper.
HELPMATE – is mentioned 4 times and refers to a woman, a powerful ally, and to God.
Women bring an incredible power to help their husbands.
Proverbs 31:11 (NIV)
the husband….. “lacks nothing of value.”
Is this referring to material wealth?
Probably not, but instead he has the gift of his “helpmate” meeting his emotional needs. In this he becomes a confident man.
- What Are a Man’s Needs?
- Respect
- To be loved – Why did he marry? To have someone to care about him. He needs the security of genuine love that stands the test of time; through better or worse (including his behavior).
- To be admired – The Family Super Hero. Never compare your husband to any other man for any reason. Never belittle your husband’s character, his activities, or his abilities (especially in front of his friends or children).
- Never boss your husband around, but instead ask.
- To be responsible – Do you exert pressure on your husband to do something until it gets done?
- To be trusted – Are you a suspicious judge?
- To be honored – Do you complain?
- To be loving – Have you accused your husband of being insensitive? (We can be VERY sensitive) Peter 3:7 Husbands b e considerate of your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker vessel. (weaker means more sensitive or more fragile vessel) If your husband is a large steel bucket, then you are a glass vase. The bucket, being the stronger vessel, can carry more weight, but also pours out more strongly and tends to flood their spouse or children.
- To know that his advice is valuable To feel appreciated
- To be understood
- To be accepted
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
People behave badly when their emotional needs are not being met.
What Are A Woman’s Needs:
The Proverbs 31 woman has found her needs met in God, her role as a wife, and her role as a mother. But, from our husband we need:
1. Security
2. Love
3. Respect
4. Affection…..but most importantly
5. ATTENTION.
6. She needs quality time with her husband
7. Increased sensitivity to comfort, not lectures
8. For our husband to receive correction without being defensive
9. For our husband to appreciate us
10. For our husband to be a “helpmate” with the children
How do we help our men meet our needs?
James 3:13, 17-18 (NIV)
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
Essential Qualities of Inner Beauty
- Courage to commit to the relationship and do whatever it takes to make it work. Get rid of unrealistic view of marriage and replace it with a goal.
- Persistence – until the goal is achieved (accept the lecture, and then ask for a hug)
- Gratefulness – sincere appreciation for the benefits you’ve received from being his wife. Think of praiseworthy qualities your husband has. (for every negative, there is a positive)
- Minimize your expectations for your spouse. (the result of being too hard on people is disappointment and discouragement)
- Stop expressing your expectations and begin expressing appreciation. Look for your fulfillment in God. Turn off your internal timer for your goals of “change” to be met.
- Calmness and inner peace. 1 Peter 3:4, “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
- Gentleness – showing tender consideration for another’s feelings
- Unselfish Love – genuine (actions directed towards filling another person’s needs)
My personal experience:
This breakout session couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Let’s suffice it to say that I really needed to hear this teaching. I came to this retreat with the goal of hearing SOMETHING from God. God does not disappoint and he began speaking the first night. I landed on a scripture that set the tone for what I was going to receive that weekend.
Jude 1:1-2 (The Message) my bible has the NIV & The Message side by side
“I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!”
There are things in this teaching on how to treat your husband that I feel like I have a good handle on, and there are some things that need work. It’s so easy to focus on someone else’s shortcomings and justify your own complaints. It’s incredibly hard to lay down your own desires for fulfillment and try even harder than you did before to fulfill someone else’s needs. Jesus never said any of this was going to be easy.