I’ve been struggling with something lately. I’m not really sure how to put it into words or put my finger on the the real issue. I’m a musician. I sing. I write songs from my heart and give them a melody. I’ve now recorded two albums. Here’s a shocker….. I’ve lost interest in doing concerts. More to the point, I’ve lost interest in performing. I don’t want to entertain people. A long time ago that was fun, but somewhere along my walk with God that has changed on the inside.
I realize that music is a business and that concerts are necessary to sell music. Christian music is no different in that aspect. I am not against a person being paid for their gifting, trade or ministry service. I’m not against Christian concerts. I’ve been to several. I recently attended a fairly large Christian concert event involving several big name groups. There were awesome worshipful moments, but as I walked back to my car having left the concert early I had this feeling like something was missing. Oh the bands were amazing, the worship leaders were certainly engaged in worship, the special effects were on point, there was the opportunity to sign up to fund a worthwhile ministry, and there was a bit of teaching. I saw long lines of people waiting to see their favorite artist and get pics and autographs. And perhaps after I left amazing things took place, so I can’t completely be completely sure of my next question……..Did the event minister to people on deep levels? Did people bring a sacrifice of praise. Did anyone receive prayer. Did anybody leave “changed?” Was this part of a transformation process for any person there? I can’t answer that question, but I don’t think it would have been for the “me of the past.”
You see, I have been transformed, healed and set free and most of this has happened when I was in an atmosphere of worship. No performance I did ever set me free from anything, nor do I believe it had a lasting impact on anyone else. I read my bible, I pray, I listen to sermons at my church and other teachings online and I believe all those things have an impact on me. However, being engaged in worship, opening my heart to God, inviting Jesus into the intimate places of my soul, and allowing the Holy Spirit to do what only He can do… those are the times where I am ALL IN. Worship is powerful! But the thought of scheduling a “concert” leaves me saying to myself, “Why would I want to do that?”
I am a wife, mother of kids still in school, ministry leader, weekly bible study teacher/facilitator, serve on our church worship team and as our women’s worship leader. I have come to realize that my time is valuable and if I’m going to start spending more of it then I want it to “count for something.” I want to create a space for others to receive what I’ve been given. I want others to feel how I feel about my Lord and Savior and experience the intimacy that is available to them through worship and prayer. I want to witness the “lights go on” in people’s spirits and see them healed of deep wounds and experience a “freedom” like they’ve never known. I want to create a space where there is no agenda other than pressing into Jesus, seeking the face of God and being saturated by the Holy Spirit. I want to witness the free ministering to the bound and broken in an atmosphere of worship. I want to encourage and exhort with words of hope. I want to see people come and catch the fire of God and leave “changed” with a desire to see others changed.
No, I don’t want to be a superstar. I want to see the dead RISE!