“I’m sorry.” How many times have we heard these words? How many times have we heard them leave our own lips? I’ve even written a song with that title! Apologies fly through the air with great frequency, and often as an automated response to realizing that our actions have caused a negative reaction, sometimes resulting in uncomfortable consequences. How flippant we can be in a half-hearted attempt to restore our own comfort. Recently I had a refresher course in the proper dynamics of those two little words. Let’s break it down….
Regret - Repentance - Forgiveness – Restitution
Regret: We can regret something we have said or done, but that does not equate to having a repentant heart. Regret is when we realize that we have caused anger, pain, or injury and that offensive act has brought negative consequences. We know from school that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. When we add human emotion to the equation, that physical law may as well be tossed to the wind! The offense changes something in the relationship. What changed is the “fellowship” and the joy shared by being in relationship with another person.
Repentance: When we understand the offense or the wrong we have done and also understand how it affects our relationship with others (and with God), then our heart can begin to be sorry with a willingness to change. Sometimes we may need someone else to explain to us how our actions have affected them and our fellowship with them, but repentance must always begin with the one who committed the offense. You can not force or coerce someone else to become repentant.
Forgiveness: This is a process that requires an agreement between two parties. The offendER has to want to seek forgiveness, and the offendED has to be willing to forgive. Repentance begins with the offender, but forgiveness begins with the person who was offended. Asking for forgiveness does not mean saying, “I’m sorry” when you have wronged someone with malicious intent. When you purposely wound someone, you have stolen their control. You need to humble yourself, acknowledge the offense and then ask that person, “Will you forgive me for _____?” This restores the stolen control back to the offended party. As an aside, if you sin or offend someone in front of your children, it is also right for you to acknowledge the offense and ask them to forgive you as well. Don’t be afraid to ask your children for forgiveness, this will earn their respect and teach them valuable lessons in fellowship. (Genesis 50:17, Matthew 18:21-35)
Restitution: Making things right. If your wrong has left damage, then you must make every attempt at restoring the damage to its original condition or better. If you have broken something, either repair it or replace it; possibly with something better or an added bonus. Broken things are much easier to repair than broken people. When you damage people, you will need the wisdom and guidance of God to help you help them. You can ask for forgiveness, but sometimes the restoration has to begin apart from you. If your wrong has robbed someone of something, it is biblical to repay them four times the amount stolen. (read about Zaccheaus the cheating tax collector in Luke 19)
In closing, remember that if we choose to live by God’s standards, we shouldn’t expect that the rest of the world is going to live by them as well. We are reminded throughout the word of God to walk in the Spirit of God exhibiting love and all the qualities love is supposed to hold. We are also encouraged not to get tired of doing the “right thing” because we should be doing it simply because we are called to by God and because it is the right thing to do.
Regret - Repentance - Forgiveness – Restitution
Regret: We can regret something we have said or done, but that does not equate to having a repentant heart. Regret is when we realize that we have caused anger, pain, or injury and that offensive act has brought negative consequences. We know from school that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. When we add human emotion to the equation, that physical law may as well be tossed to the wind! The offense changes something in the relationship. What changed is the “fellowship” and the joy shared by being in relationship with another person.
Repentance: When we understand the offense or the wrong we have done and also understand how it affects our relationship with others (and with God), then our heart can begin to be sorry with a willingness to change. Sometimes we may need someone else to explain to us how our actions have affected them and our fellowship with them, but repentance must always begin with the one who committed the offense. You can not force or coerce someone else to become repentant.
Forgiveness: This is a process that requires an agreement between two parties. The offendER has to want to seek forgiveness, and the offendED has to be willing to forgive. Repentance begins with the offender, but forgiveness begins with the person who was offended. Asking for forgiveness does not mean saying, “I’m sorry” when you have wronged someone with malicious intent. When you purposely wound someone, you have stolen their control. You need to humble yourself, acknowledge the offense and then ask that person, “Will you forgive me for _____?” This restores the stolen control back to the offended party. As an aside, if you sin or offend someone in front of your children, it is also right for you to acknowledge the offense and ask them to forgive you as well. Don’t be afraid to ask your children for forgiveness, this will earn their respect and teach them valuable lessons in fellowship. (Genesis 50:17, Matthew 18:21-35)
Restitution: Making things right. If your wrong has left damage, then you must make every attempt at restoring the damage to its original condition or better. If you have broken something, either repair it or replace it; possibly with something better or an added bonus. Broken things are much easier to repair than broken people. When you damage people, you will need the wisdom and guidance of God to help you help them. You can ask for forgiveness, but sometimes the restoration has to begin apart from you. If your wrong has robbed someone of something, it is biblical to repay them four times the amount stolen. (read about Zaccheaus the cheating tax collector in Luke 19)
In closing, remember that if we choose to live by God’s standards, we shouldn’t expect that the rest of the world is going to live by them as well. We are reminded throughout the word of God to walk in the Spirit of God exhibiting love and all the qualities love is supposed to hold. We are also encouraged not to get tired of doing the “right thing” because we should be doing it simply because we are called to by God and because it is the right thing to do.